to strip or not to strip...that is the burning question

I've been thinking of getting a Brazillian wax for the longest time, and I mean THE LONGEST time. But up till now, I have yet to get my ass down to doing it. Two months ago I received a voucher for a free wax and was thrilled, thinking that this would motivate me to finally getting down to business with this whole Brazillian wax thing. But no...I waited and lingered, till it was way past the voucher's expiry date, when I simply shrugged my shoulders and dismiss the whole idea ALL OVER AGAIN. I am such a wuss.

You see, I am a vainpot when it comes to personal grooming and such. I train hard and continuously strive to achieve my ideal physique; brave the hazardous UV rays in order to attain that "glowing tan"; and spend more than enough time prior to stepping out of the house each day to make sure I look more than just decent. And these are just the publicly noticeable areas.

While most people tend to do the whole "sweep all the garbage under the bed" thing, meaning to say they only focus on the noticeable spots, I tend to be slightly more anal-retentive about it all and try to make sure that even the unseen bits remain nicely groomed and maintained. They are like expensive lawns you know. And shaving is a cheap shortcut that doesn't do it justice.

I've heard good things about the wax in terms of the post-waxing aesthetic quality. But I'm also aware that it hurts like f***, and man, even though I have a high pain threshold, I'm hesitant to put myself under the knife like that. Yes I know, no pain no gain. But oh man oh man, do I really want to pay someone to hurt me...? I'm no sadomasochist!

Now it's less than 2 months away from my dance competition and in the course of preparing myself for the comp, both in terms of my dance and physical training, I need to start thinking of getting my body well and ready for the nice little costumes that will give me 25% of my marks for the competition. Perfect body, perfect tan, and of course, nice smooth skin all over. Brazil is beckoning...

my baby never finishes his drinks

There are two nearly empty Ribena packet drinks on my desk, courtesy of mr. i'm-thirsty-baby-please-give-me-a-drink, who never, I emphasize NEVER finishes his drinks. This and along with other little traits such as: 1. handing me his loose change to keep because "guys don't have a place to put coins in our wallets, baby!"; 2. his tendency to wear the same shirt over and over again "because it's my favourite shirt!" despite having a closetful of other shirts; 3. referring to everything that's awesome as "good shit"- the "shit" may refer to a drink/food/show/song/movie/car/shoes...please delete as required. That makes the imperfect person he is, whom I love.



The good shit still waiting to be finished.

tgif - last day at the company

I'm sitting here at the cubicle in the office, looking like I'm the usual busy bee I usually am. Instead, here I am, filling in the last moments of obligation doing something I should really be doing at my own free time. But hey, it's my last day at the company, everyone's giving me a break.

Everyone seems to be asking me how I am feeling. Are they expecting me to cry upon leaving or something? I mean, I'm not exactly jumping up and down in ecstasy. But I am glad to be moving on to something that I really prefer to do. Something that's more suited to what I'm looking for in life, while still fulfilling my family obligations, like a good daughter should.

I'm dressed in white from head to toe today, complete with a white straw bag and white sandals - Michael Kors no less. Suz said that it reminded her of a movie where a couple on the fringe of breaking up deliberately dressed in white to signify/symbolise their parting. So am I doing the same??? I guess you could say that...if you were the dramatic sort and believe in symbolism and all that. (I thought I've left all these behind when I graduated top literature student some years back!)

It's almost lunch time, and in less than five hours I'll be leaving the company as someone who's no longer a staff. Surrendering my pass and my car decal too! Damn why can't I at least keep the photo. It's going to be a new beginning. Some people envy my position, while others are simply curious to see how my life will pan out. Not to worry, I'll give the envious ones some real things to be envious about and the curious cats nothing to gossip on.

Life, here I come. Prepared, undaunted, and full of joyful energy.

...just because i love you...there's no why

Vulnerable seems to be my middle name today when I told himself point-blank, that I think (and I truly believe this) that when you love someone, whatever you do for him is propelled internally. You're nice to him just because you love him; there's no other reason or hidden agenda. And for me, there's no yardstick or 'measuring cup' that I use to decide whether I love him more or he loves me more; by measuring how much I do for him or compromise for him vis-a-vis the extent he does things for me or to oblige me. In fact, obligation should not exist in our dictionaries. Nothing should count as obligation. If it does, then perhaps one shouldn't do it. After all, when it becomes an obligation, then it's no longer enjoyable, and the reward ain't so great. You won't feel satisfied or enjoy the rush of warm feeling you have because you've made someone you love happy. It becomes just another...chore. And I don't want that. I told himself that no matter what I do for him, I will not expect him to feel obligated to give me just as much. It's all up to him, how much he wants to give, and how much he wants to feel for me. Although I sort of feel as if I've just shot myself in the foot once these words left my mouth, I see no reason to take them back or to regret what I've said. Because truly, that's what I want out of love, out of the ideal relationship - that I can find someone whom I love, and who loves me just because he does, and not because he's touched or feel obligated by how much I love him. Of course the interaction between the couple matters a lot. But essentially, when you love someone, there's no question as to how much you'll care about him, and the extent to which you will do things just to make him feel comfortable, secure, and undoubtedly very loved. I don't think I am necessarily apparent in conveying my feelings to someone. But there' s a huge and I mean HUGE difference in the way I treat people I couldn't really be bothered with versus those I care about. And much more so for my man, whom to me should be my best friend, my better half, and my shoulder to cry on. No pressure there. And of course, he should be one of the very few reasons I would sacrifice my sleep for and drive halfway across the city to see should he need me there with him at 4AM. Regardless of how I feel, I'll be there. Just because there's love I feel inside when I think of him, and there's no other reason why. This is how I feel.

seberapa pantas - for you

How apt are the lyrics...
__________________________________________________
SEBERAPA PANTAS - Sheila on 7

Seberapa pantaskah kau untuk ku tunggu,
Cukup indahkah dirimu untuk selalu ku nantikan
Mampukan kau hadir dalam setiap mimpi burukku
Mampukah kita bertahan di saat kita jauh..

Seberapa hebat kau 'tuk ku banggakan,
Cukup tangguhkah dirimu untuk selalu ku andalkan, ohhh...
Mampukan kau bertahan dengan hidupku yang malang, ohh..
Sanggupkah kau menyakinkan di saat aku bimbang..

CHORUS:
Celakanya...
Hanya kaulah yang benar-benar aku tunggu,
Hanya kaulah yang benar-benar memahamiku,
Kau pergi dan hilang ke mana pun kau suka

Celakanya...
Hanya kaulah yang pantas untuk kubanggakan,
Hanya kaulah yang sanggup untuk aku andalkan,
Di antara pedih aku slalu menantimu..

Seberapa hebat kau 'tuk kubanggakan,
Cukup tangguhkah dirimu untuk selalu ku andalkan..ohh...
Mampukah kau bertahan dengan hidup ku yang malang oh...
Sanggupkah kau menyakinkan di saat aku bimbang..

BRIDGE:
Mungkin kini kau t'lah menghilang tanpa jejak,
Mengubur semua indah kenangan,
Tapi aku slalu menunggumu di sini,
Bila saja kau berubah pikiran ohhh...heyyy..heyy

__________________________________________________________

semoga memang hanya engkau yang dapat terus ku andalkan dan pertahankan.

my 26th birthday weekend

I recently turned 26. To be exact, I turned 26 on 0235hrs of April 27th. For some, 26 might seem pretty old - time to think about family responsibilities, settling down and all those other things strictly reserved for adults. But for me, 26 is a mere number. I still feel 21. My youth shall not be compromised just because I've officially passed the mid-twenties mark and am approaching lat twenties. Don't tell me otherwise or you will no longer be my friend. Hrmph!

It's not that I am in denial. I just think that it's silly to expect someone to have a total overhaul of personality and mindset just because he/she has become a year older, and getting closer to real adulthood where total life responsibilities are imminent baggage and liabilities he/she has to bear. Growing up is a gradual process, the speed of which varies from one person to the next. But enough, I'm not about to start a whole argument on growing up/maturity process.

I've been lucky that my birthday was remembered and celebrated by quite a few. I've managed to spend time with colleagues/family/close friends...and of course the new boy I'm seeing. And have had one too many cakes. Bleah, I must have put on an extra pound or two. Anyway, here goes a summary of my hectic but superbly fun birthday weekend.

Thursday, April 26 2007
Mom and Pop wished me happy birthday with a birthday ang pow, owing to their inability to stick around on my actual birthday.

Friday, April 27 2007 @ 0000hrs
My boy called to wish me happy birthday - which comes as a real surprise as I know he has retired to bed early thanks to a bad bad cough. Pleasant surprise no doubt. Two minutes after I put down the phone, my best friend Dali called to wish me a joyous birthday (yes dali, you came in second this year). Fell asleep shortly after and only discovered in the AM that a couple of people including my sisters have also wished me happy birthday in the early AM while I was in dreamland. Oh boy, I am loved.

0845hrs
My colleague Juliana pulled me aside to give me my birthday present from her and a couple other people in the office. They remembered my actual birthday instead of my lame passport one! I had a lunch treat from her that noon, and at 1500hrs, the rest of the team celebrated my birthday with a massive cheese cake drenched in chocolate sauce. 5000 calories I swear. Michael bought the cake - now that explains it. Hrmph! They are out to make me fat.

1900hrs
Sisters took me out to Jack's Place for dinner. Dali joined in a while later and we had a feast. A crazy crazy feast. Oysters, mango prawn cocktail, baked lobsters etc etc. See pictures below.







Dinner was followed by a KTV session at KBOX. This time we were joined by my boy, and geg's boy. Lots of fun. By the time we were done it was close to 3am, and we went home, hung out and talked all the way till close to 5am before we called it a night.

Saturday, April 28 2007
Okay, technically my birthday was over by this day but himself and myself continued our semi celebration by going out and spending time together, engaging in our favourite past times - eat and drive around. Spent some hours at Timbre - this nice outdoor bistro/pub with live music. The music's so so. Ironically, we waited a whole of 2 hours for the live band to come on, but left after 30 minutes of their playing. Yes, they weren't great. So what to do with the rest of the time? A rocker needs to sing. Correction, two wannabe rockers need to sing. So off to Partyworld we went and spent the next three hours belting out rock ballads and cheesy love songs. Very dramatic you know.







The rocker wannabes went home with sore throats that night.

Sunday, April 29 2007
My girls promised to take me out on this day, and guess what was in the plan - KTV. Again. Now before you get the impression that I am a narcissistic fool who's blardy in love with my own voice, I must clarify. This was the only KTV session that was actually planned. The two before this were merely impromptu decisions. Just shows how limited our resources for seeking fun are in Singapore eh.

Yisi+Kathy+Joy = explosive energy and immense fun, coupled with several doses of "shiok sendiri" tendencies. Fooling around with cheesy boyband love ballads and retro songs from the nineties and late eighties, mingled with the occasional hookien songs and chinese rock for variety - we had a blast. I must say this night was unbelievable. Another highlight of the night, the birthday cake that was supposed to be a surprise, but which was conveniently ruined by a less than clever waiter who popped into our room at the most random of times, asking in a loud voice audible to all, "when shall i bring in your cake?!" *gestures wildly with hands* Red-faced, Yisi pushed him out, telling him that she would signal when it's time. But by then it was too late and I was already armed with the info. But hey, a cake is a cake okay, surprise or otherwise. And it was SO YUMMY! Mmm...yes another imminent pound added to my weight gain this weekend.





The night ended perfectly as we conveniently exceeded our allocated singing time by a whole 50 minutes (no extra charge!) and swaggered all the way to the taxi stand, still laughing at our ability to belt out PRAY (by TAKE THAT) word for word, including all the background vocals and the ooohs and the ahhhs. What closet boyband fans we are! Next in our list would be MYSTERIOUS GIRL by Peter Andre and ALL MY LIFE by KC and JOJO. This after we have conquered MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY by The Moffats (remember them?!), DYING INSIDE TO HOLD YOU by Timmy Thomas (the one hit wonder), and AMAZED by Lonestar. Oh yes, don't forget Wang Jie, Zhang Xin Zhe, Jay Chou and all the other similar princes of ballads. I'm talking memorising their songs word for word okay. Yes yes, I know we had way too much time in our hands during that era.

It's 0024hours of April 30 2007. My birthday weekend has come to a closure. What a week! What to look forward next are all that I will experience as a 26-year old. I hope there's no more of those ID-checking sessions when clubbing I will have to go through. But at the same time, I guess I should start worrying about fine lines, slower metabolism and all those other physical changes that tend to plague "women my age". Geez, this ain't good.

Ah well, happy birthday Joy Joy. Congratulations for being alive for 26 years and enjoying every moment of your existence.

my cavemen trouble

Trials and errors have made me realise that I am indeed one who has what I would call "the cavemen trouble". Simply put, I am attracted to cavemen-type men. A few characteristics of such cavemen include; possessing a sense of authority/power, self-assured/confident/slightly cocky, tough, apparently unemotional ie. do not cry, candid, unapologetic, and of course manly, very very manly. Such manliness has nothing to do with physique (although an excellent physique is undoubtedly a huge bonus). It's more of an attitude that he carries; the self-assurance, the insatiable confidence, the seriousness he has in his eyes, the single-mindedness he has when he's after a prey...

A friend told me last night, that only a man as such could make me stop and turn my head. Boy she does know me well. I want my guy to be able to take control when he needs to, make certain decisions when he's required to. I don't want a guy who's overly easy-going...I would completely step all over him! Bad I know, but that's a fact.

The problem with my tendency to gravitate towards the cavemen type is the tricky business of differentiating between a dateable caveman and an un-dateable MCP in caveman clothing. The latter is definitely a nono, unless you enjoy being knocked on the head with a big club, dragged into the cave, and then...(use your imagination). I must say I'm still in the process of learning to differentiate between the two. But as my philosophy goes - just go with the flow. I've never set out to look for love; always just letting nature take its course and adopting a que sera sera attitude.

But like I said, I already know myself well enough. I know what I want and what I need. Hence while waiting for love to strike, the vision is clear - only cavemen need apply.