reminiscing competitive dancing

digging dancinglola's dancing dirt!

going through my archives and tracing my dancing history. started social dancing in late 2001, just a couple of months before leaving for vancouver. then stumbled my way to the ubc dance club in a desperate attempt to continue my passion for dancing.

found my first dance partner with whom i competed ONCE in the GALA BALL organised by UBCDC in March 2002. I gotta dig out the picture for posting.

took a couple of months' break right after that competition, and came back to singapore for holiday. returned to vancouver in august 2003, right at the end of the summer dance at robson square, and found another dance partner shortly after.

the picture below was taken at our first competition, which was the GRAND BALL organised by GB in November 2002.




GAH look at how disgusting my posture was!



more disgusting posture.


ISLAND FANTASY BALL 2003 in Victoria BC



intense right? but that was some costume faux pas!

BIG TROPHY! i think i never got to keep though :(

with my dancing pals, including callie and ethan, david and svitlana and some random others lol.




this was at GALA BALL 2004, for the pre-championship prize presentation.




...and took part in the

SALSA COMPETITION! with arthur in his wig of course

that was wild!

2005

the first comp i danced with david. FAT FAT FAT.

that was SNOWBALL 2005





then GALA BALL 2005









...and the social competitions as well






that was SALSA and WEST COAST and my ugly outfit he he he

then there was the comp in OREGON

with real LIVE band from the UK!!!

....in my floral costume!

2006

was a break year when i came back to southeast asia, lost a couple of pounds, then gained more than a couple of pounds, then contracted dengue fever, then lost another few pounds, and got a new job, gained couple pounds...and so on.

anyway, got a new partner in late 2006 with whom i danced ONE comp with in March 2007 (what's with me and one-comp partners?!)




that was a disaster buster

2007-2008

the better years

LION CITY 2007






JAPAN COMP @

ASAKUSA NOV 2007

i love my white costume!

ASIA PACIFIC COMP March 2008 in HONG KONG

sigh. that's the dress i got from tatsiana. one of my favourites and i've only worn it ONCE!

i need to compete again soon.

anyway, till the next comp, that's it for now.

olympics musings part one

as part of my sunday tv-gorging ritual, i watched a couple of beijing olympics events on the olympic channels. one that struck me most was the women's quadruple sculls event. it was a strong line up, with the hot favourite being the british team who took the lead all the way, with china, france, and germany following closely behind. the british looked set to take the gold, up till the last 750 meter when the chinese team just put in every strength in an attempt to catch up and surpass the lead. it was way intense. and they made it! took over the british team and emerged champion. it was truly an emotional moment. the women laughed and cried and laughed and cried some more. it was pretty amazing.

another event that stuck in my mind was the men's 8-men rowing event. it was a showdown between the american and the canadian team, with the usa being the former olympic gold medalist and the latter being the world champion in the same event. the canadians proved to be the resilient athletes they are, maintaining a substantial lead throughout and eventually emerging the event's champion. YAY CANADA!

caught some moments of the eventful singapore vs china table tennis match on the replay. 'twas okay but i guess it isn't as exciting when you already know the outcome.

anyway, end of musings for now. signing out.

back in the groove

after the lesson on thursday i told myself that i had to start dancing seriously again. it's not just a form of exercise or an activity i do. it's my passion, something that is a large of who i am. as a friend once said, "your eyes light up when you talk about dancing." so i went back to the studio who might very well be my second home (during the times when i was drifting and have yet to rediscover my workaholic self). and everyone seems to be pretty excited to see me. and by everyone i refer to those dancing juniors with whom i am relatively close. and they were pretty eager to get my opinion on their dancing. of course i would NEVER under any circumstances volunteer my opinions or suggestions due to political reasons. don't wanna step on any toes you know. but since they asked, i would render them my true opinions, and i EMPHASISE - just my opinions. don't want to be quoted for teaching them anything.

anyway, the point was - I REALLY REALLY miss dancing. and most of all, COMPETING. i'm not a mere social dancer, and i don't really want to be. unless i am too old to do all my spins and twists and turns...then i'll consider being just a social dancer. but even then, i might very well consider taking part in senior latin comps. hey who knows right?

and seeing them working so hard in preparation for the competition next week really brings back memories on my own training. the pain, the tiredness, the pukey feeling you get after rounds and rounds of mock comp...the excitement on getting a new costume, the make up and tanning and all the preparation on the very day of the competition - ah! who needs aphrodisiac?

so i did my rumba walks, my spins, my spirals, my turns and my checks. and i feel i've improved, despite having stopped dancing for a while now. i feel way more grounded, more stable. and definitely more mature. i am more comfortable with who i am as a dancer, and what i want to project. i am okay with relaxing my upper body while concentrating on my footwork. i am not too worried about how people might view me and my dancing. i simply feel fabulous. a little bit of egotism might make an awesome dancer eh.

now where would i get a dance partner??? haunting question. when oh when can i compete again?

lola's dancing again?

been struggling with withdrawal symptoms due to the sudden cold turkey from dance training since the end of april. from training 12-15 hours a week, i dropped down to none. it's amazing i haven't turned into a mammoth! but of course i've been doing other physical activities to maintain my physique. i'm vain after all.

still no dance partner till now and am not sure when i can dance competitively again. BUT i have plans on starting a workshop for my sister and her dance colleagues/team on basic latin steps for a couple of dances. and i'm thrilled at the prospect. at least i'll be dancing again. and i'm training dancers no less, so i can be as tough as i imagine i want to be. it's gonna start in a week's time and i've prepared a short choreography that should last them for two lessons or so. and i've devised a set of training routines for their benefit too. ain't i a responsible instructor ;) but hey, dancing's in my blood and i am so very glad i can channel my dancing energy somewhere. i've been so deprived!

but seriously, lola needs a dance partner. i'm 27 and there's not THAT much left of my optimum competitive years. unless i decide to dance senior latin once i hit 35. that is a scary thought. but where to find an eligible dancing guy (who's also preferably gay)? singapore's probably not the place.

yet i'm not really into the whole trend of dancing with some foreign import who's obviously gonna be about 5 times better than i am, then paying through my nose to support his dancing with me. that is unthinkable. and i might only consider that if i were say...50 and still wants to do latin or something. provided i wasn't already a size 20 at that time, as opposed to my current size 2.

again, boyfriend's not helping when i lament about my lack of competitive dancing opportunity. the conversation usually goes like this:

lola: bebe, i need to dance.
bf: so dance la!
lola: i have no partner.
bf: go find (ex-partner's name) la.
lola: cannot what. anyway i also don't want.
bf: don't look at me ah, i won't dance.
lola: ...... *thinks*(that was never in my books) - at least not at the competitive level.

anyway, i can go on and on.

on a positive note, at least i can look forward to a different aspect of dance training, that is to train dancers to execute what i regard as good dancing. and that'll keep me distracted for now.

what is happiness?

i'm not someone who jumps at the chance of sharing my happiness in writing. as of how many good songs tend to be emotional and sentimental, peppered with a little bit of pain, i tend to write when i'm in a pensive mood.

well lately i've been feeling a little pensive, maybe more than a little pensive. it's not that i'm unhappy. but there's just a nagging dissatisfaction deep within me that's hard to pinpoint or explain. there's a constant question of happiness and what it means, to me, and to other people. when i asked my mom how she would define happiness and meaning of life, she deems it to be the joy and satisfaction of making the people she loves happy. now that's a truly selfless thought and feeling, and i guess it's a feeling that only a parent can truly feel. for only parents can grant such unconditional love that's above and beyond the natural self-gratifying, self-centered instinct that man and beasts are equipped with.

and in this respect, i guess i can empathise with her only to a certain extent. it's true that the happiness of my loved ones makes me happy. but a big part of me is seeking happiness that's prevalent to myself, independent of what my loved ones might be feeling. so i started questioning myself on what exactly is making me less than happy? and loneliness jumps out as the most significant factor attributing to the dissatisfaction i am feeling.

yet it's not because i have no friends nor people i can connect with. in fact, i am luckier than most to have family, some friends, and a better half i can be emotionally dependent on. but there's just something else that i can't explain attributing to this loneliness. it could be restlessness, boredom, or whatever and however experts can define it...i am clueless.

so i googled, "what is happiness" and a website on self-creation explains happiness in this manner:

Happiness is what you feel when you're NOT feeling....

self doubt
depressed
hateful
fearful
worried
unsatisfied
bored
grief
shame
guilt
discontent
anxious
annoyed
angry
irritated
stressed
frustrated
upset
down
sad
envious
or
jealous.

now that's quite a few emotions one has to dispose of to achieve true happiness. as always, easier said than done.

so what am i missing?

7 habits of an assimilated "singaporean"

this post might lead to a series of nasty verbal attacks on me by authentic singaporeans. but in the spirit of freedom of speech, here goes:

having spent most of my childhood in this country, then coming back to start a career in the very same place i grew up in, i have acquired a few habits my adopted country of residence have been accused of cultivating.

ONE: TIME IS MONEY - RUSH WHENEVER I CAN
it doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing. the common thing is: we are always rushing. rushing to change from one mrt to the other, rushing to be the first one to get in the bus/mrt/building (take your pick), rushing to buy/eat/finish lunch in a mere thirty minutes (less if possible), rushing along the street past volunteers asking for donations...yadayadayada you get what i mean. come on, are we really that short of time?

when i first came back from vancouver, i had a hard time readjusting myself to the change of pace, literally. everyone seemed to overtake me, everywhere. but now, almost three years later, i am turning into one of those fast moving people. and it's not just in action or movement, but also in speech. in short, i've morphed into one of them.

TWO: DRIVE AGGRESSIVELY, INSIST ON MY RIGHT OF WAY
i wouldn't say that i was a fan of "driving miss daisy", but i definitely wasn't an aggressive driver. but hey, i have assimilated. if they ain't gonna let me through even after i've signaled, then i'm just gonna stick my head in there and go for it. ha ha. be glad that i'm not one of those who will SPEED UP after seeing someone signaling to come into my lane, even though i was a safe distance away. i was a victim to lots of those.

THREE: MOMMY SAYS DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS
i used to talk to anyone and everyone. and even when strangers talk to me, i won't think too much of it. but now? (okay i can't believe i'm admitting to this) - i am shy. though i will still respond when strangers talk to me, i won't prolong the conversation, and tend to cut it short with the excuse that i'm rushing for time (see point one). why? i'm not sure. maybe i'm shy?

FOUR: IF WE DON'T LIKE IT, WE COMPLAIN
i complain about lots of things: management not doing their job in maintaining the building - complain; my server is rude - complain; suspect my designer of not doing his job well - complain. okay, maybe i am exaggerating. but i definitely find more things less pleasing to my eye than before. being more of a perfectionist? maybe. or maybe i have higher standards. complaining is a pretty singaporean thing. i attribute it partially to the efficiency and ability of many singaporean workers. since they have high abilities, they would expect a certain degree of excellence from their service providers. and when they don't get it, they are unhappy. subsequently, they complain. i ain't proud of this trait. but i have assimilated.

FIVE: I OBSESS OVER MY TUMMY
now singaporean ladies are known for being petite and slim, despite all the nonsense we eat (high fat, high sodium and OH SO GOOD food). yet many still complain about being "too fat" or having "a big tummy" etc. while i have always been a little self-conscious of my body, i was fine with my athletic and muscular build. but then i lost a bunch of baby fat from training for dancesport and just being generally busy, and developed a taste for the thin look. so now i've become one of them thin girls who are a little "skinny fat" - slim limbs and slim frame with a slight tummy. but boy do i obsess over it! i pinch and squeeze and measure and go crazy if my tummy isn't flat in my favourite berms. what's wrong with me?

SIX: I SHOP FOR A LIVING
when i'm happy, i shop. when i'm angry, i shop. when i'm down, i shop. when i'm ecstatic, i shop. shopping is my cardio, and owning the new dress is my motivation. i've always shopped a lot, so i'm all for this national sport, even though it's the most expensive sport i've ever engaged in.

SEVEN: I WORK TOO HARD
I work an average of 12-14 hours a day, six days a week. this is excluding travel and out of town assignments. why work this hard? why it's the national culture. though not as bad as the japanese or the koreans, singaporeans are known to be workaholics. we work because it gives us a focus, and a sense of achievement. besides, we are motivated by money and what money can buy. this is such a consumerist culture we are living in, that such desire is inevitable. a necessary evil. my generation onwards may try to change this by insisting on having a work-life balance. but let me tell you, if money is what you want, you gotta do what you gotta do. forget about working "just enough". and in singapore, one can live comfortably if one can afford it, for it has all the good things life has to offer. so if this is what we want, overworking is just one of the things we gotta do.

there we are: all the seven habits i've acquired in my time here. i'm not being condescending - not saying that these are bad habits, nor am i advocating them. just some observations and analysis of what this society has made me, and others for that matter. these seven habits have made us the kiasu and kiasi bunch we are, like it or not. it's part of the culture. and believe me, it's highly contagious. i'm a living proof.

i'm imperfect

nobody's perfect, everyone knows that. but for a self-proclaimed perfectionist like myself, it's a bitter pill to swallow. all my life, i'm constantly aiming for perfection, and working to achieve results that i deem good enough. yes, there are periods in my life when i just let pretty much everything slide. (those were the dark moments of my life, so to speak). but most of the times, it's either, do it well or not at all. this may seem like a good thing overall. yet the problem is with the imperfect way i deal with my imperfections. every time i thought i've done something extremely well, somehow something or someone will lead to the discovery of certain imperfections in my work. and it doesn't matter how small the flaw is, as long as i know it's there, it'll haunt me.

i do need to take a chill pill. instead, i get mad. i get mad at myself, the mistake, the person who pointed it out...but mostly just myself. i feel ashamed of my mistake. i'm mad aren't i. i hate that i get mad at things that may be trivial. plus, if the mistake is seen, i can just correct it the next time. right? yes...technically. but to me, the damage is already done.

over the years, my mom has told me many times that i need to discard such mentality, for it'll do me more harm than good. obsessing about one's mistake and imperfections will not make them go away. instead, it'll be more likely to hurt one's confidence. this is so very true. and mr n has given similar advices, though not in so many words. it's usually more like so, "don't worry okay? it's a small thing." simple, but true.

while there's no way i'm going to settle for anything less than what i've given my best in, i do need to let things go. LET IT BLOODY GO! and focus on the next thing to do. and not be such a psychotic OCD crazy obsessive bitch about mistakes. i will try.