i try to sleep

people who know me know that i don't have problem sleeping. i can sleep anywhere. and i really mean ANYWHERE. on the bed, on the sofa, on the chair, on the plane, standing up...as long as i am tired enough, i will sleep. 

and i definitely don't have problems sleeping at night. i attribute my youthful looks (or so i am inclined to think i still do have) to this, and SKII. 

anyway, i should really try to sleep earlier, given my relatively morning-oriented schedule. but it seems that my body clock has gotten used to sleeping at or after 01:30 every morning/night. and it simply refuses to cooperate. or maybe it's the mind who's controlling it.

especially today, when i am a little overwhelmed with excitement. since i've been spending a little bit more time on planning and coordinating, it seems increasingly real. although in reality it is still pretty far away. 

we've had all these uncertainties and fleeting moments when we doubt, or fear. or both. but at the end of it all, the feelings are sure, and the wanting is certain. and we have to face it with open arms. after all, no one knows what truly will happen in future. just embrace it and go along. 

every day is an adventure. it may not seem to be. it may seem dry, routined, and predictable. but you'll never know. that's the beauty of it.

sogno d'oro. adesso. subito.

 

Modà feat. Jarabedepalo - Come un pittore - Videoclip Ufficiale

one of my favourite songs for sure.
truly a romantic. can't be changed. deep rooted.

Mina & A. Celentano _ Parole parole _ 1972

今天的心情

见或不见 --仓央嘉措
2010-09-29 23:02:08

你见，或者不见我
我就在那里
不悲不喜

你念，或者不念我
情就在那里
不来不去

你爱，或者不爱我
爱就在那里
不增不减

你跟，或者不跟我
我的手就在你手里
不舍不弃

来我的怀里
或者
让我住进你的心里
默然 相爱
寂静 欢喜

其实真正的爱情就应该是这样。不能衡量谁付出的比较多，谁爱谁多一点。只要已选择去爱，就得放胆去爱。直到最后。就算是遍体鳞伤，也绝不后悔。不离不弃。

getting organised again

having been absent for almost a year, it's a little strange to start writing again. been blaming it to the lack of time due to my packed schedule, but really, if you really want to do something, you'll make time for it. perhaps i have been a bit apprehensive about putting my thoughts on paper, for fear that the process will increase the clarity of thoughts, thus making it necessary to make the 'right' and 'logical' decisions about such thoughts. sometimes having it a little unclear, blur, overlapping and emotional may not be too bad after all. 

but having recently ended a five-year on-off and tumultuous relationship, i seem to be getting on track with getting my life more organised, clearing out things/stuff/hoards that i no longer want and need; seeking more clarity in my life outside of work, being more realistic, insistent, and a somewhat stubborn in what i want, at least what i think i need in the long run. 


and that's why i start to write again, putting it down on paper so the black on white can help me understand better. 

these two weeks have been nothing short of wonderful. i feel a renewed sense of freedom, not just in what i can do, but more so in what i feel. no obligations, no expectations, and certainly no disappointments. 

of course there's the occasional going back and forth melancholy, doubts and uncertainty. but facing the real issues and the question on my ultimate wants, the answer is very clear. and i know i did right. 

so i want to be sure, before the next teardrop falls. 

go figure

Had a conversation about resentment, dissatisfaction and figuring out what i want. And frankly, I'm still thinking about it. I would say just live life you know, do what you want, and que sera sera. Whatever will be, will be. But the thought will haunt me everytime i have a spare moment. It gets annoying. And i have to keep myself busy in a bid to stop thinking of such.

It's not so easy.

Perhaps I'm just blindly grappling at something that I'm not even sure exists. Yet there's a certain bittersweet pleasure to it. Almost romantic. A little sadomasochistic, emotionally speaking. Messes with my head. Yet entirely necessary.

How long is it going to last?

I'm not sure. Perhaps a couple of weeks, perhaps a couple of months. Who knows. If it doesn't go away, it won't. And I'm not going to interrupt the natural discourse.

A little ironic considering how I've been going on about being 30 and knowing exactly what I want. But do I really? Doesn't seem so.

I suppose it'll come to me eventually.

Ever since the world began

I’ll never know what brought me here,
As if somebody led my hand,
It seems I hardly had to steer,
My course was planned.
And destiny it guides us all,
And by it’s hand we rise and fall,
But only for a moment,
Time enough to catch our breath again.

*and we’re just another piece of the puzzle,
Just another part of the plan,
How one live touches the other
Is so hard to understand --
Still we walk this road together,
We try and go as far as we can,
And we have waited for this moment in time,
Ever since the world began. *

Taking in the times gone by,
We wonder how it all began,
We’ll never know and still we
Try to understand,
And even though the seasons change,
The reasons shall remain the same,
It’s love that keeps us holding on
Till we can see the sun again.

( * repeat)

And I stand alone, a man of stone,
Against the driving rain--
And the night -- it’s got your number,
And the wind -- it cries your name --
And we search for clues, win or lose,
In this we’re all the same --
The hope still burns eternal,
We're the keeper of the flame...