understanding and acceptance

i've told myself to give up way too many times now that the reminder has gotten old and my mind has gone numb from processing the same piece of information over and over again. yet i kept going back and holding on, to what i don't even know. it's not a logical thing, that's for sure; and not entirely emotional either - it's something inexplicable and binding. it dulls the regular decision-making capability. much too scary, especially for a person like me. but in the recent week i've come to accept that some things are never going to change; some people will never change. and there's really no use holding to something that you can't even grasp. so be free. switch focus, free my mind, be open to options, busy myself with things that really matter. it's difficult for sure. there seems to be a wall that i put up now against all other possibilities, or even other social opportunities for friendships and companionships. and the more i try the harder it is to forget. but i can feel myself getting stronger and more able to free myself from this prison that i've created for myself. it's going to take some time, but i know i will get there. i understand and i accept. i'm not the kind of person to force something to happen anyway. in matters like these, resilience is not the key, and is definitely not the solution. just got to let it be. and so i will just let it be and see what happens for me. love myself - that's the rule. if i love myself more, i'm less likely to get hurt. and so i will. it's about time anyway.