nobody's perfect, everyone knows that. but for a self-proclaimed perfectionist like myself, it's a bitter pill to swallow. all my life, i'm constantly aiming for perfection, and working to achieve results that i deem good enough. yes, there are periods in my life when i just let pretty much everything slide. (those were the dark moments of my life, so to speak). but most of the times, it's either, do it well or not at all. this may seem like a good thing overall. yet the problem is with the imperfect way i deal with my imperfections. every time i thought i've done something extremely well, somehow something or someone will lead to the discovery of certain imperfections in my work. and it doesn't matter how small the flaw is, as long as i know it's there, it'll haunt me.
i do need to take a chill pill. instead, i get mad. i get mad at myself, the mistake, the person who pointed it out...but mostly just myself. i feel ashamed of my mistake. i'm mad aren't i. i hate that i get mad at things that may be trivial. plus, if the mistake is seen, i can just correct it the next time. right? yes...technically. but to me, the damage is already done.
over the years, my mom has told me many times that i need to discard such mentality, for it'll do me more harm than good. obsessing about one's mistake and imperfections will not make them go away. instead, it'll be more likely to hurt one's confidence. this is so very true. and mr n has given similar advices, though not in so many words. it's usually more like so, "don't worry okay? it's a small thing." simple, but true.
while there's no way i'm going to settle for anything less than what i've given my best in, i do need to let things go. LET IT BLOODY GO! and focus on the next thing to do. and not be such a psychotic OCD crazy obsessive bitch about mistakes. i will try.
