So I keep thinking of ways to spend my time more meaningfully. Thoughts like: perhaps I should work more (but I'm already clocking about 50 hours or so a week); perhaps I should exercise more (but I'm already exercising 5-6 days a week); or perhaps I should spend more time dancing (but I need a competitive dance partner!); or perhaps I should start reading again (now this I can do, only if I stop being so lazy and procrastinating).
And then I start thinking: what do other people do to spend their time? Work? Go out? Shop? Watch movies? Play games? But don't those things get meaningless after a while?
I think back on my days as a student in Van and I don't remember ever feeling bored at any time. Yes, I was busy. But not THAT busy. In fact, I probably had more time than I do now, considering school was pretty much own time own target, and so was dance. In retrospect however, being a student was always a little easier. For the focus is clear. Your responsibility is to study, and hopefully get good grades. That's your focus and your goal. The rest is just peripheral distractions.
It gets a little bit more complicated when you grow up and become a "real adult", although sometimes I wonder if some people ever grow up at all. Being an adult with "real responsibilities" seem to define your focus for you, well, that is - you have to fulfill those responsibilities! Ironically however, it may result in your losing focus. Because you are so intent on fulfilling those responsibilities. Example: maybe one needs to work and make enough money so one can afford a house and a car, and maybe a family. So one gets on it and start working their ass off to achieve those goals. But of course, such goals are not achievable in the short term, unless a lottery is struck or an unexpected inheritance is received. So by keeping one's focus on this, in the meantime, one will constantly feel a lack of sense of achievement. And when the goals are achieved, instead of happiness, there will be a sense of loss. What to do next? So in this sense, there is a lack of focus, precisely because the length of time to reach the destination cannot be easily measured. It may take three or four years to get a degree, but how long will it take for one to "get there" in their material pursuits?
So going back to the issue of spending time. Is one's time then best spent on one's work in order to achieve something and be somebody? Or should it be spent on trying to find an inner peace (not necessarily spiritual) by constantly exploring and understanding oneself in and out. Human beings are varied and complicated. Each person is unique and demanding in their own ways, depending on their needs and priorities. To make do is an easy yet cowardly way out.
Hopefully the next time when I need to make a choice to spend my time in one way or another, I'll make the choice that maximises my satisfaction and contributes towards my self understanding and thus my eventual happiness.
