having been absent for almost a year, it's a little strange to start writing again. been blaming it to the lack of time due to my packed schedule, but really, if you really want to do something, you'll make time for it. perhaps i have been a bit apprehensive about putting my thoughts on paper, for fear that the process will increase the clarity of thoughts, thus making it necessary to make the 'right' and 'logical' decisions about such thoughts. sometimes having it a little unclear, blur, overlapping and emotional may not be too bad after all.
but having recently ended a five-year on-off and tumultuous relationship, i seem to be getting on track with getting my life more organised, clearing out things/stuff/hoards that i no longer want and need; seeking more clarity in my life outside of work, being more realistic, insistent, and a somewhat stubborn in what i want, at least what i think i need in the long run.
and that's why i start to write again, putting it down on paper so the black on white can help me understand better.
these two weeks have been nothing short of wonderful. i feel a renewed sense of freedom, not just in what i can do, but more so in what i feel. no obligations, no expectations, and certainly no disappointments.
of course there's the occasional going back and forth melancholy, doubts and uncertainty. but facing the real issues and the question on my ultimate wants, the answer is very clear. and i know i did right.
so i want to be sure, before the next teardrop falls.
