a break from dancing

I am recovering from one of the most devastating dance competition experiences ever. It's not so much how badly we placed in the competition but to whom we lost. I've seen the girls of the couples who placed above us dance. They sucked. Bad. So it's really a big blow to me. I was a bad sport though, which is something I suppose I regretted. I didn't even bow when we went up to collect our certificates. And I definitely did not smile. Not happy at all. And what made it worse was how he took it. He seemed all nonchalant about our poor performance! This pissed me off badly. The least he could do was to be upset that we did badly, not to say things like, oh I don't really care how we did, I just want to dance. Seriously! I could have smacked him really hard. So I just walked away and sat with himself who had waited 5 whole hours just to watch me dance for that 6 minutes. Sigh. I looked through our pictures and videos and of course spotted the possible reasons for our poor result, and yes, it's true, we screwed up at more than a couple of spots. But his energy man, where's his energy?! I am starting to doubt if we are going to have much potential as a competitive couple at all...So I declared that I needed to take a break, a serious break. It's too much dancing for me right now. I think I would rather sit back and re-evaluate what I need and what I want and to see if this is going to work out in the end. So I'm on a break. It's a good time to look at my dancing and see if I've got it to go on, and if this failure is coincidental or a sign of (bad) things to come.

crossroads

There's a point in everyone's life when you are forced to make some of the most important decisions. Be it on your career, love life, family affairs, future goals or lifelong endeavours, some decisions have to be taken. And you are forced - by circumstances, family, social or personal expectations. This is the time when you face a crossroad ahead of you, each of the road leading to something that you can't expect. Something novel, exciting, and yet scary at the same time. For there is no certainty and security in ensuring your success no matter which road you choose to take. I am now facing this crossroad, many crossroads in fact, when I have to set my foot down and decide on the roads I would be willing to venture towards, in various aspects of my life.

Career - to continue or not, that's the main question. Is this something I can see myself doing in the long run? The answer is no. But would my second option definitely be the better choice for me. Maybe not. Should I continue working while waiting for other opportunities to strike? Maybe. But perhaps I should take a sabbatical while I can and weigh my options. Also possible.

Dance - how much do I want to invest in dancing? Can I expect to continue dancing competitively for long? Can I revolve my life now around something that I know has an expiry date? If not, will I be willing to put it on hold in the pursuit of monetary benefits and to fulfil family obligations?

Love - am I ready to date again? Should I even open my eyes and my heart to the potentials out there? Am I happy being single as I am right now? Is the freedom I have worth the occasional loneliness I feel when I need someone to rely on, and someone to take care of me - be there when I need him? Is my romantic ideals of meeting someone without compromise much too impractical in this emotionally detached society? I don't know.

So many questions waiting to be answered. And yet I find myself procrastinating in trying to find the solutions to my problems. I'm avoiding the issues; adopting a cat-like attitude of "if I don't see it, it doesn't exist." But that's not the way is it? For eventually, the problems will come back to haunt my dreams.

I should really think about it and decide on a clearer path to take, so I may make a better decision on the roads I choose to take.