what a new year

First post of 2009.

Happy New Year dudes and babes! Woohooo! Celebrating with a bang? 

Haven't done much but spent it like a regular night. Actually, come to think of it, my New Years haven't been very exciting. Perhaps I'm just not an exciting person. Not that kind of exciting anyway. 

Now I've had to retype the previous sentence three times cos my vision's a little blurred from the amount of red wine I've had. Yes, red wine. I'm getting weak. 

Anyhow, I wish everyone a more than bearable New Year in 2009. What are your new year resolutions??? Here are mine: 

1. To continue being the super anal, bloody perfectionist that I am (except I need to remember where I chuck my miscellaneous stuff like keys, wallet, and whatnot). 

2. To be more disciplined about my running routine - I need to really run those races I missed in 2008. 

3. To somehow start dancing again, whether it be teaching or competing. 

4. To be way more meticulous about my work, and not make stupid mistakes. Seriously stupid and careless mistakes. 

5. To read twice as many books as I had in 2008 - so at least 48 books for the whole of 2009 at the very least. 

6. To finish reading Ulysses, The Scarlet Letter, The Good Earth...and all those other pretentiously classic books that I actually like. 

7. To be more sociable and go to all these parties I've generally been invited to. 

8. To not put all my eggs in one miserable little basket. 

9. To write something that I can be proud of. 

10. To be more tolerant (of whatever that's reasonably worthy of my tolerance). 

11. To maintain my clothing size (I'm a gal who's in her late twenties after all). 

12. To spend more quality time with my family and friends for life. 

13. To finally get those pictures done with PROUD (if you're reading this, you know what I mean). 

14. To keep my hair all the way down past my butt (yes that's my style).

15. To go back to Vancouver to see all my dudes and dudettes. 

16. To save some money so I can eventually afford my own apartment. 

17. To travel and be carefree for a change. 

18. To continue keeping a journal so I can keep track of my development as a person. 

19. To be more patient with people in general.

20. To be unbearably emotionally independent. 

21. To curb my bdd, and ocd - somehow. 

22. To make more effort in keeping in touch.

23. To play more (and better) golf. 

24. To pick up some form of meditation. 

25. To be happy at least 90% of the time. 

Now only 20% of the bottle left and yet still typing with no spelling mistake. Am I good or what? Ha! 

Have a good new year people! Can't believe I'm flying in nine hours. 

celebrating the last day of 2008

It's 1753 hrs where I am, just slightly over six hours away from the start of the new year (and less by the time I complete this post). What do you intend to do to celebrate the last day of 2008? Party the night away? After all, there are a couple of major parties around town and a lot of other minor ones to crash. I'm thinking though, that I should spend this night at home, just like any other night, reading and perhaps thinking about all the things that I can remember as being significant to me this year. 

I just called my little sis who's in PKU just now with the intention of asking her the brand of colour pencils she wants for her belated Christmas present, when we realised that we are two of the very few individuals who are actually intrigued by how the world's timekeepers have decided to add an extra "leap second" to this last day so that clocks could match the Earth's slowing spin on its axis. Apparently she has been telling her friends this. (We're geeks aren't we). Well, geeks unite. 

On another geeky level, I took the time to list down the books I've read this year. I might have missed out a couple, but oh well. It's not as many as I'd like to, but I'll try to read more next year. 

Here they are:

CHICK LIT 

Sex and the City – Candace Bushnell 

Four Blondes – Candace Bushnell

One Fifth Avenue – Candace Bushnell

Lipstick Jungle – Candace Bushnell 

Trading Up – Candace Bushnell 

Under the Duvet – Marian Keyes

Further Under the Duvet – Marian Keyes

The Other Side of the Story – Marian Keyes 

Man and Boy – Tony Parsons

How to be Cool – Johanna Edwards

Love, Rosie – Cecelia Athern 

Fashion Babylon – Imogen Edwards-Jones

The Nanny Diaries – Emma McLaughlin & Nicola Kraus 

OTHER READS THAT INTEREST ME

The Wednesday Letters – Jason.F.Wright 

Lottery – Patricia Woods

Something to Tell You – Hanif Kureshi 

Me Talk Pretty One Day – David Sedaris 

Barrel Fever – David Sedaris 

A Spot of Bother – Mark Haddon 

A Long Way Down – Nick Hornby 

How I Live Now – Meg Rosoff 

The Tale of the Unknown Island – Jose Saramago 

Memories of my Melancholy Whores – Gabriel Garcia Marquez 

Philosophy in the Boudoir – Marquis de Sade 

Lust, Caution – Eileen Chang

And here are books I’ve ventured to read but have yet to finish:

A Reading Diary – Alberto Manguel 

Seven Types of Ambiguity – Elliot Perlman 

Naked Finance – David Meckin

So I read too many chick lit, but hey they're easy reads. And after a typical twelve-hour workday, they seem way more attractive than the smart reads that have been sitting on my shelf collecting dust. 

Anyway, I'm resolved to finally complete James Joyce's Ulysses in the coming year. Having read The Dubliners and A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man way back in 1999, I think I owe it to myself to finally complete the book that has earned him the recognition as the Father of Modern Literature. I still love D.H. Lawrence, but James Joyce is really something else. 

Geeky things aside, 2008 seems to literally be "the happening" year where lots of things happened. 

1. Competed, and bought my first designer dance costume, from Tatsiana Lahvinovich no less. 

2. Had one of the best trips ever to Hong Kong (who'd have thought?) 

3. Started really focusing on my career, doing things I never thought I would love (but I do). 

4. Attended FIVE weddings of my good friends, and missed a couple more. 

5. Bawled over the death of my beloved cat, Perkins. 

6. Agonised over the unexpected loss of a friend. 

7. Moved to a fantastic office I deem more of a first home. 

8. Started to enjoy running. (I used to HATE running, constantly failing my 2.4 KM run for NAPFA. Now I run about 4 km every other day). I plan to REALLY run the 10 km races they'll have next year, one definite one being the SHAPE RUN 2009.

9. I've travelled more than I have in the past five years before 2008, spending a total of five months out of the country when I total all the days I was out of Singapore. 

10. Met up with (get this) FIVE of my good friends from Vancouver IN SINGAPORE. 

I'll add to the list when I have more time later. 

For now, I'll sign off with the WEIRDEST dream I had last night: 

It began with my friend Callie and I sitting at a table having a meal. There's another person (a dude I think, whom I cannot visualise right now) sitting beside me. But he's not important. Anyway, Callie and I decided to order the same meal, which is this five or six-course meal (thinking they are all of small portions ala French). But they turned out to be huge plates of eats. We had the most disgusting appetiser, followed by a huge plate of what seemed like fried rice or something. Now Cal was tucking into her food and I was just about to do the same, when the whole plate toppled over and all the food fell to my lap. I HAD NO FOOD. And so I asked for a replacement, which never came. All this time, Cal was already on her third, and fourth dish. And when mine finally came, it was the wrong order. Just then, my sister's friend, Maybelle (I have no idea why she's in my dream) came over and sat on me, hitting my hip bone. I asked her to move away since it hurt, and she sulked, saying how she's lost weight. And I was like, yes, you're very slim, but it's a bone, and that's gotta hurt. Anyway, I told her I was so hungry cos my food never came, and then said something like "I need to eat, I'm not fat." During which she looked at me thoughtfully, and said, "Well I guess you are a little chubby..."GAH! I think I woke up after. 

Is that bizarre or what?! 

a matter of control

I was watching yet another rerun of SATC last night when I was struck by what Carrie Bradshaw said, "I wanted to be a writer, I made myself a writer. If I want a pair of ridiculously expensive shoes, I find a way to get them..." (This was an episode where she was wondering if she would ever want a baby since the man she's dating at the mo has had a vasectomy and was definitely unwilling to reverse it). Anyway, what got me thinking was the issue of WILL and self-control. To what extent can one control his or her own destiny and thus their course in life (and way of living)? 

Now the desire to answer such a question can be traced back to the general sense of almost dissatisfaction and boredom I've been feeling lately. I say "almost" because it's not a feeling that's CERTAIN. You know how when you're very busy and occupied and yet still bored? Technically fulfilled ie. having it all, and yet still dissatisfied? Well, that has been me. There's just something missing, yet I don't know what. 

I suppose everyone takes some time to really discover who he or she really is and what he or she really wants. Some people take a few years, having pretty much fully developed their character early in their adulthood and go on living the lives they've envisioned for themselves. While others, take longer than they probably should. And still some, are still searching. I think I belong to the latter, that is, I'm still searching and will probably continue to do so, as priorities will change as I change. 

Anyway, going back to the idea of WILL and self-control, I keep on wondering the extent to which I can control my mood. If something's lacking, what can I do to make up for it? What is it that I want and not have? Is it even something tangible? And how long will this last?

I guess that's the whole problem with feelings. It's not like an occupation or anything material that's pretty easily obtainable. And the worst thing being that it's more often than not difficult to control and rationalise. It's not like a step by step action plan that one can take. 

And it makes me want to slap myself at times. It's so bloody typical of my OCD nature to be nitpicking something that's otherwise perfect. Yet I suppose, if there's something to nitpick about, it's not perfect after all.  

a gloomy christmas - happy holidays

It's almost Christmas but it doesn't feel like it. 

Everyone with whom I've shared this opinion has blamed the season's lack of cheer to the current economic recession and the impending economic gloom for 2009 and beyond. I suppose it's a valid explanation considering Maslow's hierarchy of needs. If the foundation of human needs - physiological and safety, are in danger, surely the desire to revel in the joyous occasion of christmas, often marked by excessive behaviour (eating, drinking, partying, and most of all, buying) will be dampen. And particularly for this city, the "Christmas feel" comes from the efforts put into decorations and ambience-setting by malls, landmarks and the like. And it's difficult not to notice how very much more modest this year's efforts have been in preparation for the upcoming holiday season.

How very Singaporean to experience the 'feel' only when it's shoved in our faces. 

Anyway, on a personal level, I am feeling the general lethargy the city seems to be emanating. Although everyone who's still employed is well aware that we need to work doubly hard to ensure our economic viability amidst the looming uncertainties, it's rather difficult to be motivated especially when it comes to the month of December. Having associated this month with Christmas and thus the holidays and the accompanying celebrations, all I want to do is have a major holiday. 

Of course I still drag my ass to work everyday, willing myself to stay focused and concentrate on all the things I have to do. But all I really want to do is to stay home for a Desperate Housewives' marathon. 

Alternatively, I can get down to writing those book reviews I've planned for so long. I've been reading quite a fair bit this year (thankfully!) and have marked down a couple of books worth reveling about. Among those are: 

Lottery - by Patricia Wood

How I Live Now - by Meg Rosoff 

Me Talk Pretty One Day - by David Sedaris 

Hopefully I can start sometime tomorrow. 

Happy holidays everyone. 

leaving some digital footprints

Someone once told me that he didn't like to leave too many digital footprints around, and asked me how I feel about putting my thoughts online, having those who bother to read them discover the change(s) in me as time goes by. Well, internet as a channel of communication has always been sort of a double-edged sword. While its ability to make information easily accessible has certainly made our working life easier, the proliferation of information; making the private public, can make it a dangerous playground for some of us. Just look at what "Rich Barry" did. 

Of course one can argue that it's all a matter of choice. We choose what we'd like to put up online, with full knowledge of the risk involved. Also, just because some of us choose to put up genuine information about ourselves, we shouldn't expect everyone else to do the same. Can't be naive, got to acknowledge that there will definitely always be losers and psychos out there who would pretend to be what they're not, whatever their intention may be. Behind the mask of the computer screen, we can be anyone we want to.

With FB and the like, as well as the multitude of chat rooms, forums, blogs and so on, digital footprints will always be left behind. How much can we erase those footprints. Are we important enough that what we've left behind will matter to anyone at all? 

-END-

Anyway, this is pretty random but I came home to this arrangement on my dining table and thought of it as extremely appropriate. 

kitty affection

Perkins came home today. 

In a box. 

The people from the cremation centre finally delivered him back this morning. The box is exquisite. Even though I didn't actually open it to check if his ashes is truly in there. I just have to believe. I'm thinking about where I can actually keep it since my mom has violently rejected the idea of keeping it in my room. Well... we'll see.

I miss Perkins.

On a much lighter note, we've all noticed Gallie's recent change in behaviour lately. Ever since Perkins' death, he has been unusually affectionate. Le lil' sis attributes it to the fact that he's getting old (and probably realises that it's either humans or no one now that Perkins' gone), while the freakishly devilish Norm keeps saying that "Perkins' soul is inside him" FREAAAKKYY. 

Anyway, here are a couple of pics for proof. 

Okay, so I obsess over my cats. Any problem?

what a beautiful lazy saturday

Saturday afternoon and I'm skipping Ben and Jerry's Chunk Fest for a Desperate Housewives marathon at home, nursing an aching body and a lethargic mind and loving in. The best friend has recently revealed a delightful secret about one of my favourite chocolates - BACI. 

That every single chocolate holds a unique little message about love. 

That got me started on keeping all these little slips of translucent chocolate wrappers containing the messages. Since I wasn't successful in capturing the tiny words on camera, I shall reiterate what I've collected today. 

"We are incomplete alone, that is why we seek another kindred spirit."

"You may forget the face of the beloved, but not his kiss."

Okay this one's cheesy. 

"One in love fears no storm, he fears only the death of love."

And finally, 

"Love invented the rhyming pair." 

What can I say? A real romantic at heart. 

lolcatz pic of the day

more animals

letting my hair down

So I spent last Friday night having a romantic dinner...with my dad at a fantastic Japanese restaurant near Copthorne King. Followed by drinks at a cafe nearby with live music. Nothing fancy, just carrot juice. It seemed like a quiet night, only it turned out to be just a little more exciting after hours. 

We went to MOVIDA!

More pics coming. 

Early in the night. Still relatively matte. 

Dali says: "I hate MOVIDA Drinks" (black label on the rocks...didn't quite taste the same. 

2 AM. All greasy but having a blast on the dance floor. 

Sweating like a pig. (My face is a circle)

Pooped! 

-FIN-

what's with...?

What's with drivers who insist on hogging the parking lot just to wait for that one spot near the lift, when the rest of the parking spots in the next few levels are virtually empty? Does it really make that much of a difference, those few seconds of walking? Or is it just the whole kiasuism at work, bent on getting the 'best' spot no matter what. 

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What's with Aunties/Uncles who insist upon riding their bicycles/trishaws on the main road, in CBD, during peak hours? Do they think this is still Singapore in the 1970s? I mean, it takes a lot of self control not to get mad. I know I should be tolerant, and that I shouldn't get mad at really old people who might be doing that to make a living. But what happens when you're the car driving behind he/she who rides on the merging lane, holding up the entire the traffic while the rest of the automobiles behind you start honking at you as if it's your fault? Still keeping cool?

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What's with people who stare? Men who stare and women who stare. Looking's alright. After all, it's virtually impossible to walk on the streets without lingering for more than a second on a person, or persons. But staring is a whole different matter altogether. To be unbearably cliched - 'take a picture, it'll last longer.' I think it's the intrinsic tendency for people to be judgmental. People can claim to be open-minded and non-judgmental, but we are flawed after all, and generally bitchy by nature. So whether or not we voice it out, we still judge people/things/circumstances based on our own code of morality or sense and sensibility. It might not necessarily be bad judgments all the time. People could possibly stare and be thinking, "oh he's so good looking", or "what she's wearing is simply awesome." But stare back at those who stare at you, and very often you can see from their eyes that their judgments aren't necessarily the most favourable towards you. 

Call me skeptical, bitter, whatever. But it's more often than not, true. 

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I think it's sad and slightly sick that as petty humans, we find enjoyment in other people's misery - as long as the misery's not a matter of life and death or "global misery" such as war, starvation...things like that. But say an ex schoolmate who used to have it all - beauty, brains, suitors etc etc has now turned chubby and is stuck in a dead end job. While a part of you might feel sorry for her, the devilish part will secretly rejoice and proclaim that god is fair after all. 

Okay, so you're not that evil. But say a dude who's not the traditional hunk, and is neither exceptionally rich nor talented, exudes so much self-confidence that girls seem to like him despite his not-so-attractive exterior, would you likely be: a. happy for him and think that he deserves it? or b. think: why him? i'm so much better looking/smarter/richer? Now be honest to yourself. Which option more closely reflect what you instinctively feel? 

If you were a girl, and a random hot girl (who's not a model) on the streets shows off her beautiful legs in candy coloured hotpants. Would you be inclined to think: a. ola chica! nice legs! or b. so slutty! 

Now if you happen to spot some cellulite, would you be secretly glad? 

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Anyway, what I'm trying to say is: what's with the lack of consideration, the poison, the bile? 

Take it from the hippies (without the pot), and spread some love. 

Then again, isn't it ironic that here I am, bitchin' about the lack of love?