hocus focus

I am entirely convinced that I am more comfortable with keeping a small group of close friends and selected individuals, rather than keep up with an extensive social circle. Without any intention to offend any friends of mine, frankly, I get a bit disoriented when I get involved in way too many social activities. It's not that I don't try. Precisely because I know that I'm the type who usually put all my eggs in very few baskets, that starting this year, I've been expanding my social circle and attending more social activities, instead of just cooping myself in my little comfort zone of work, dance, run, and solitude. Which has been good really. I've been having a lot of fun. But despite being surrounded by way more people, it still doesn't change the usual feeling I have of being alone. Now that sounded a little emo there. But that wasn't the intention. While I do have great friends who have stood by me through difficult times, there's still something missing. For lack of a better description, I suppose that missing element is what we'd like to term a soulmate. Though really, how do we know when someone is really our soulmate? Out of so many people in the world with such varying personalities and preferences, I'd be so lucky to find someone I can get along for an extended period of time with. And I don't mean just getting along in terms of having fun, just during the good times. But also getting along in the manner that both can totally just be ourselves with no air of self consciousness or too much restrain, as we both know that no judgement will be made on each other. Not necessarily a total understanding cos that'd be idealistic; nor would we be twins cos that would just be somewhat narcissistic and...well, freaky. But there would be an acceptance, of the fact that we're different, and yet complementary. See? It's hard enough looking for someone to really get along with, how would we ever find a soulmate? Or maybe this whole soulmate business is just a pretty way of packaging what I've just described above?