introspective or inefficient?

as i grow older and enter new phases in my life, i have come to accept my introspective nature. i am a person who tends to analyse (and sometimes overanalyse) a person, a situation, a feeling, an emotion, and everything that comes my way. while there were times in my life (school days for example) when i tried to be the warrior who's single-minded, solidly pursuing the 'correct' and realistic goals in life, time and events often prove that i am just not made to be those who fit in those moulds.

some may deem it a weakness or a self-inflicted pain on oneself. after all, what's the point of just thinking about everything when all these 'useless' thoughts sometimes interfere with what could have been done to make one's life more productive?maybe this is what we call the smart man's sorrow. or perhaps we can explain it via mazlow's hierarchy of needs:

Physiological Needs
Safety Needs
Social Needs
Esteem Needs
Self-Realization needs

having satisfied the most basic needs, an awful lot of time is spent trying to achieve other needs. the problem lies in the fact that these are little aspects of each category that cannot be fulfilled. for instance, while one may know a fair number of people and can technically be proud of having enough social connections and support, there are very few candidates within this category who may end up being ones who can consistent source of emotional support. unfortunately, one tends to put (almost) all our eggs in one basket. meaning to say that we may invest way too much time and energy on one or a few individuals instead of spreading our love. while this is not absolutely wrong, it puts us in a pretty vulnerable position of risking losing our support system completely should the initial source of support fail us.

when i face problems as such, i tend to logically analyse the issue and try to see if i can salvage the situation, in order to help myself. but it's almost a classic scenario of paralysis by analysis. with so much thinking and analysing the situation at hand, one loses focus of what needs to be done and what's realistically ahead of us - real world problems that need to be solved and specific matters at hand that need to be tackled. so then i suppose the right thing to do is to shift our focus back to reality and deal with concrete matters at hand. so if you're a worker, do your job; if you're a student, study. but once we do this, it's like throwing a towel over your head and refusing to see the real problem that comes from deep inside. masking one's introspective self in return for greater efficiency - is it worth it? in this life, what exactly are we searching for?

when one is a student, life is pretty simple. we have one focus - to study. there's a goal to work for, and a path to take. and as a student, we long for the freedom to finally decide on what we want out of life, once this 'duty' as a student is completed. but as we get out of that position, we are thrown in a sea of infinite possibilities which confuses the hell out of us, especially when we are not even sure what is it that we want from life. it seems easy to just declare that you want to be happy. so whatever you do, it should make you happy. but sometimes it doesn't work this way. as much as you are in control of your own destiny and your actions, one does not exist alone in society and in this world. we, as an individual, is just a minute creation amidst the world's wonders. so many things are beyond our control. and many a time, it is precisely these things beyond our control that are hampering our constant search for happiness.

we live our lives as people living amongst other people. we seek recognition, acceptance and determine our self-worth from people's appreciation of what we do and what we're capable of. it's never good enough to just be happy about what you do. for real appraisal doesn't come from the one to oneself. yet, when happiness can only be derived from other people's appraisal of you, you will never be happy. for no one is responsible for, or obliged to help you deal with your issues.

the lola who's introspective often turns into the lola who's unproductive. lola needs to take charge and move forward.