something stupid

originally posted on 6 november 2007 (moved here from dancinglola)

it has been going so well. after much long talks, some arguments and uncertainties, tears and distance, we finally set a pace that seemed comfortable for the both of us. we have been spending way more time together, good quality time. sure, he's still bothered by some issues he thinks might be potential problems we will face in the future, even if they seem insignificant at the moment; and i am still trying to grasp him more completely, as he's more complicated than he thinks he is. but just because of something stupid that i did, we are in a less than desirable situation. no quarrel, just sour. i know i shouldn't have. it's my fault to have said that. and i know in his position, what i said hurt him. for having said that implied that i have harboured such a thought, and that's an attack to him. i shouldn't have. but i guess i am still trying to figure out how much is too much, and how frequent is too frequent. for sometimes he will be in my face everyday and every moment; while at other times he seems to be completely unable to make time for me. it can be quite exasperating. for this hampers my ability to plan my day and time. i guess we should just go on with our lives and not put everything on a halt just because we are now spending more time together. but having said this, i know he feels disappointed if i have previous engagements and can't spend time with him, or whenever i am overseas on a work assignment or something or the other. so it's sort of a difficult situation. i know i should take it easy and work with whatever we have. after all, he has already given me his word that he loves me and is trying his best to make our relationship work. and that he isn't going to think about the whole 'status' issue that's detrimental to the development of our relationship. he has given me his word just yesterday, and seems convinced that i love him for who is he, completely and without a doubt. so i hope today's just a residue of his fatigue and migrane and my complete childishness in posing extra pressure on him while knowing his tiredness. it's the same mistake over and over again. but i am not going to try to message to rectify the situation or anything like that. i'll just take it slow and let him settle his things first, then we'll see how things go from there.