Went to the studio tonight after a long period of absence. Sporadic absence really, having visited the studio every now and then for the odd lesson or two whenever I'm in town. The studio was packed, which is not unexpected considering the competition is coming up very soon. Everyone's psyched to dance well and the studio was alive. And yet I was there only to teach. Not to dance.
While teaching is definitely a good way of keeping up, so that my dancing does not completely go to hell, it's very different, and barely enough to keep me even remotely satisfied. Competitive dancing had been such a huge part of my life, it seems so strange that it's not even close to being a part of my regular schedule now.
And it's funny how everyone's really sensitive about it, careful not to mention my lack of partner or ask me when I'm ever going to start dancing again. I don't mind, really. I'm not going to wallow in self pity just because I cannot find a competitive dance partner suitable for me. After all it's no easy feat to find a compatible dance partner. For he has to match you in height and size, skill level, dancing personality, level of motivation and commitment, passion, determination, and confidence...just to name a few. And most of all, there needs to be dancing chemistry, which is the hardest element to find of all.
It's different from the chemistry between a mutually attracting man and woman. This chemistry involves the action-reaction between the lead and the follow. With good chemistry, the lead becomes more masculine, and the follow, much more feminine. The man shall be so macho, and the woman so sexy. They will move as one, dancing to the crowd and to each other, with close connection and feel. When he makes a mistake, she will too, not intentionally, but just because she is so completely connected to him it is impossible to do otherwise.
That's chemistry.
Although I am active with running and other activities like the random rollerblading or hiking or what have you, I still feel a hollowness without dancing in my life. All of a sudden I have too much time on my hands. And there's only so much time one can fill with work before one get burnt out. And of course, I have way too much energy. No backaches, no muscle aches, no bruises or broken toenails. How very strange.
In any case, I'm not sure when I'd be so lucky to be able to dance competitively again. I hope it'll be sooner rather than later. But I am not putting my hopes high. For the higher your expectations are, the more disappointed you'll feel when these are not met. If there is little expectation, whatever you get shall be a bonus in itself.
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