change

posted Tuesday, Apr 11 8:16 am

I've changed so much since I was young.

You'll change more.

Indeed, it's probably true. Though 25 years is not a long time to be alive, I'm amazed at how much I've changed through the years. Let's not mention physical changes. Mentally and emotionally, I've grown and changed. Then there are differences in personality and attitude. Views, visions, expectations, life directions - everything.

Temper
I used to think that a bad temper is inherent in me. That no matter how much I've grown and matured, I'll always have a bad temper. After all, I was the unreasonable kid who told everyone around me to shut up when they were making too much noise. And I was also one who would flare up at my loved ones, when differences in opinions arose. But now, I'm the easy going one. I don't get mad easily. And even when I do, I don't scream or shout. Rather, I'd be silent and try to think things through, for fear of saying things I don't mean. I don't want to hurt, neither do I want to be hurt. And a bad temper ignites quarrel and disagreements. It invites mutual verbal abuse, which leads to hurt pride, ego, and an injured heart. So I'm happy I've changed. And I hope it stays this way.

Selfishness
The world doesn't revolve around anybody in particular. But once upon a time, everything revolved around me. Or so I'd like to believe. It's always about what I want and how I feel. Lucky me, I've had patient and easygoing people by my side, who'll give in to my whims and fancies. Thinking back, I wonder if that's a blessing or a curse. As I learn to let go of such selfishness, which probably stemmed from the feel of a need to be defensive, I feel like a better person. I learn the meaning of compromise, of sacrifice. Putting others before myself. It's something new, but it makes me feel good inside. Not because I feel like a good person for sacrificing for others. But for the pride I have for my own absolute willingness to compromise for someone I really care for. It's an indescribable feeling.

Defensiveness
Learning to let go. Stepping out of my comfort zone. Being vulnerable. Taking chances. Not wondering what'll happen in the end, but trusting my instincts, listening to myself and my heart. It's the biggest change yet. For I've always been a pretty defensive person. Quite conservative if you will. I don't like to take chances. Well I didn't anyway. But now I do, and I will. In many aspects of my life, I learn to deal with uncertainties. It's exciting. For it's a rollercoaster feeling.

I've changed so much.

I'll change more. Probably.