vulnerable friendships

posted Thursday, Feb 16, 11:48am

Just came back from dinner and a long chat with my very good girlfriend. She's probably the one I get along best around here. No formalities, no pretentiousness, just being ourselves everytime we are together. She's getting married and moving away (how sad!) and I'm going to lose yet another friend.

People say distance should not affect a friendship if it were strong. It's true to a point. Though unfortunately, friendships, just like human emotions, are vulnerable. Distance might not destroy a good friendship, but it could very well alter it. Sometimes the alteration proves to be good, as it could make the friendship stronger. After a long separation, the reunion with a good friend can make one treasure the friendship even more so than before. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Yet there are some friendships which might not stand the test of time. One may regard such friendships as those that lack strong foundations. But this is not necessarily true. I had a close friend whom I've known for eleven years now. We used to be inseparable. She stood by me through difficult times in my secondary school years; she was the one whom I thought truly understood me. She was my best friend. Pretty much marginalised by the popular basketball elite, we sought solace in each other, forming our own group of friends outside of school. We saw each other all the time, spending close to 24/7 together. When we were not together, we were on the phone with each other. In short, we were inseparable. Things we did would be spontaneous. There was no need for appointments. We always had time for each other.

Then it all changed when I left for Vancouver. Attempts to stay in touch were futile. Conversations were brief and superficial. Even though we pretended nothing happened, deep down inside we knew that it would never be the same again.

Friendships are vulnerable. I always say that a good friendship is low maintenance. Yes, that is true. But no matter how good a friendship is, it'll not work when there's NO maintenance. And the effort needs to be apparent, and both ways.

People grow as they go through life, each person developing (and sometimes maturing) into a unique person, different from another. If you're lucky, you find significant people in your life heading towards a similar direction to that you are heading. But if you're not, you'll realise that even good friends drift apart as each moves towards his/her own desired path.

I may be nonchalant towards many. But I'm extremely loyal to friends who are close to my heart. Each time I feel I'm losing a friend, it is as if there's a part of me that's gone with them. Sentimental and melodramatic indeed.