dating ain't easy

posted Saturday, Apr 15 2:22 pm

Dating is a rather complex process I would need to get used to. Especially when it comes to serious dating where you see the person as someone really special you can hold close to your heart. Someone you can share your joy and your pain, laughter and tears. Your best friend and companion for that moment in your life. Even if it's only for that moment.

There's a tumultous period where you try to get to know each other as much as you can. Not just from what he says or do. Rather, from what he doesn't. And he does the same thing. The problem is that sometimes misunderstanding occurs because we assume certain things that might not be true or accurate. And when this happens, you can't really blame anyone because whatever conclusions one comes to are based on previous experiences. Yes, one can't generalise based on previous happenings because each situation is different; each person is different. But we are humans. We analyse our world from what we know; the tried and tested. And when one party's past experience vastly differs from the other, the misunderstanding occurs, way too easily. That's when trouble arises.

I used to think that such dating is way too much work for me. It's tough because you go through a an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes you're so happy you feel that the world is truly a wonderful place, that your life is perfect the way it is now; that if you freeze this moment, you're at a plane of complete happiness and utter satisfaction. Yet other times you may feel so low and dejected that you can neither eat nor sleep, and the words "why why why" keep repeating over and over again in your screwed up little head. It's this extreme. My heart couldn't take it, I used to think. Much more so considering how spoiled I've been by my previous relationships, where everything starts from long friendships where we've already gained a deep understanding of each other, and would understand why one party behaves the way they do, without much explanation. Yet, perhaps that's the trouble. When friendship is the basis of the relationship, the spark may not be there. And then you'll lose the feeling of being in love. Instead, comfort and habit form the foundation of the relationship. Which is great if you're married to each other for 20 years or something. But for a dating relationship, it gets too still. Then you wonder if everytime you say "I love you", you truly feel the gush of uncontrollable feeling of love coming from deep within your heart, or if the phrase has become some kind of defense mechanism you subconsciously activate to convince yourself of the love you feel, whenever you doubt your love for the other person.

So the emotional rollercoaster may not be a bad thing. Sure, it'll be better if everything comes easier. But with each misunderstanding that can be rectified comes a new level of understanding. You'll learn to understand each other's expectations. What makes him tick, and what makes him sick. What the boundaries are within the relationship; how you should treat the relationship and what you want to get out of it. Everything. It's not easy, definitely not easy. But if you've worked for it, and you see the end result, it'll be so much sweeter in the end.

It gets to me sometimes, that I feel so damn helpless and not in control of the situation. I don't like such feeling of vulnerability. As if my head has stopped functioning and has surrendered the leash of control completely to my heart. When my heart says yes, I go for it. Yet, despite my prudish logical self, I allow myself to be driven by my heart. For when else can you really follow your heart in this cruel, cut-throat world. Only in the world of love. Even if it means setting yourself up for a heartache, it'll be worth it. Because you'll know that at least you've tried your best. You've followed through with what you want. You have fought for what you want and tried your best to get as close to it as you possibly can. And that's important. Besides, if the focus is on searching for happiness, the work is worth it. How far must you look to find someone whom you can sacrifice for? There's a twisted sense of happiness in sacrificing for love. I need to try it. It'll be good for me.

But of course, ultimately we both want to be happy. Should there be a time when happiness is no longer the outcome of what we're doing, then we know that it's time to stop. But for now, I hope we'll keep going. I hope it's just the beginning.