clubbing now and then

posted Sunday, Feb 19, 11:52am

I used to hate clubbing. The smoke-filled air, ridiculously overcrowded dance floor where one can hardly dance on, overpriced liquor, and sweaty bodies unwantedly touching one another...all didn't sound very appealing to the dancer in me.

While all my peers flocked to clubs every weekend upon turning 18, I was contented with staying at home with my books and television. A geek that I was, I could never understand the apparent fun they were having. Why pay to dance in a place where you can't move without bumping into a stranger? Why socialise in a place where you can hardly hear your friends amidst the loud (and sometimes bad) music? It wasn't logical.

Until I found out that clubbing wasn't about the dancing. It IS precisely the crowded factor that attracts people to the clubs. If it ain't crowded, it isn't fun. It IS the fact that you can hardly hear (and see for that matter) people that you club. It's great for meeting random people and feel a temporary sense of belonging. It's the only place where you are allowed to put your sense and sensibility aside, even if it's just for a night, and totally lose yourself in the moment. No reservations needed.

The prude deep within me couldn't accept the fact that I was beginning to enjoy clubbing. The subconscious distress I suffered upon returning from Vancouver, taken away from my precious friends, amazing lifestyle, and my passion, prompted me to seek some form of substitute for my seemingly barren social life. A reconnection with old friends brought me to clubbing, which happened to be one of their favourite social activities. So as not to seem unsociable, I went along. One visit became two, then three. All of sudden, I was a weekend clubber, a social drinker. My previous allergy to smoke became insignificant, and I became accustomed to loud music.

I began to understand the 'sense' of clubbing. For some, it meant an opportunity to meet the opposite sexes. The dark environment makes everyone looks twice as good looking as they are in reality. Coupled with alcohol in your system that tends to affect good judgment, clubbing is the perfect opportunity to hook up. But for me, it's all about the dancing. Well, 80% of it is the dancing. I have to admit, the attention is a bonus. Why else would I dance on the podium when I am alone? At least I'm honest about it.

I used to think that it's pathetic that lonely individuals should seek comfort in being amongst the crowd to fill up that void in their lives. But now I can see how it can be useful at times. While being with friends is always nice, there are times when you just don't feel like communicating. Yet, you don't want to be alone and feel lonely.

I don't need the random person to approach me in a club to feel wanted or less lonely. But I do like the feeling of being among a random crowd, where there are no ties nor responsibilities. No social responsibility to maintain a coherent conversation. In the clubbing context, truncated conversations, harmless flirtations are permitted. Once you are out of the club, your life is back to normal, you can go back to the prude you are.

When I club, I take on a certain persona that may not reflect who I am deep down inside. And I'm allowed to be like that for just that night. It's like unleashing a small but important part of me that's usually inaccessible to others in my daily life. It's good to have that once in a while.

Now, if only I can club for free...